Here are some questions that might be worth considering:

Who speaks for us as a body of Covenant Christian women? Who determines where the women are in this ambiguous process? Who determines how long this focus group will last for? When are you allowed to draw a conclusion regarding an issue and consider it resolved for you?

Are the women who are trying to resolve and move forward the reason everyone is “stuck in the mud?” Are those who are eager to remain stuck in the mud the ones who understand and are engaged in the process? If it’s ok to condemn the majority who refrain from disputing because it’s already been over a year, can you condemn those who continue to dispute against the majority?

Why is everyone stuck in the mud required to stay for the long haul? What if the majority chooses to step out of the mud? Are they required to stay for the sake of disagreeing?

Even a single soul who stirs up the hearts of others to anger can destroy the peace of all my people (T&C 157:19).

That is a sobering thought. The peace of a whole community can be destroyed by a single individual. It is little wonder the scriptures report of so few places of peace and unity… I know the Lord is determined to fulfill His covenants, the prophecies, and keep His word. But if a single soul can disrupt all the people (and he/she can), then there are only two ways I can see the Lord accomplishing His work. The first would be for Him to be selective about who He gathers. The second would be to send “the day of trouble” again to humble people enough to change their pride into humility. He is watching us, and taking note of our conduct. I’m assuming the first choice will be the one the Lord follows. At least initially. Then, later, maybe the second will be added (DS Blog, Every Person).

Dr. Gad Saad coined the term “suicidal empathy,” which expresses the idea that compassion can become excessive to the point that it becomes self-destructive to the individual or a society practicing it. It’s prioritizing empathy at the sacrifice of rational and long-term decision-making and common sense. You commit to being empathetic towards the group for one year, three years, or even ten years. It includes the notion that every feeling, disagreement, and grievance must be aired out and resolved regardless of time, relatability, and right vs. wrong.

Suicidal empathy moves from simply caring about a group’s pain to labeling anyone opposing the efforts to “help” the group as unvirtuous. This “opposing the efforts” can include individuals wishing to abstain or step out from the efforts, regardless of their reasons.

In an environment where everyone is expected to conform to the process, empathy is no longer genuine, but performative. Asking if a procedure is effective or will cause unintended harm is shut down and labeled as rejecting the process and rejecting what is God-given. Wariness, hesitancy, and common sense are frowned upon.

When empathy becomes virtue signaling, asking questions is now a betrayal and nuance becomes sinful. You must conform. You must nitpick. Allowing others to do what they will while you move up and forward is unacceptable – it is rejecting the process.

At this point, the process kills itself in the name of virtue – hence, suicidal empathy. People in the group compete to show more empathy by sacrificing personal time and mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Those who enjoy the mud believe they are owed your time because their process requires it. You must conform to their scrutiny and questioning until they are satisfied.

This one-sided compassion is a result from empathy being selectively applied. It creates groups that can now always feel victimized and oppressed. Other groups are treated as the “older sibling,” asked to sacrifice their well-being for the sake of the younger child being pacified. They are morally disposable, and their actions (which may at times mirror the younger child) are labeled as egregious, emotionally immature, and inexcusable. All the while, those determined to stay in the mud are not held to the same amount of criticism. This is no longer empathy, but hierarchy disguised as respecting the process.

Empathy is important. Empathy without limits, truth, and courage becomes destructive and overbearing. No longer is it about helping others, but it becomes virtue signaling.

Suicidal empathy can make you believe that if you question the process, you are the problem.

A statement was recently made regarding processes:

Finally, because the process is so important and process has been difficult across many issues for people to understand, I believe we are stuck in the mud. Until people reason that out, here we are, and here we will stay.

I see this as an example of making the process a measurement of morality. It elevates the process and makes it more sacred than potential outcomes and consequences. Questioning the process, wishing to engage in a different process, or even wanting to leave the process, is now immoral and puts a ding on your character.

Stating that the “process has been difficult across many issues for people to understand” positions the speaker and those aligned with them as already in a mutual understanding of the process and those who disagree with it simply do so because they cannot comprehend it. All other reasoning regarding the process itself is off the table. So anyone who disagrees over the process just doesn’t get it yet because they’re not there yet. Again, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been engaged for one year or ten years.

Making the blanket statement that the entire group is stuck in the mud disregards the individual’s agency and right to act accordingly to his or her conscience. Again, we must sacrifice our own moral compass for the sake of empathy. I agree with Denver’s sentiment below:

The 11th Article of Faith declares:

“We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.”

I believe this. I also claim this right. I appreciate the opportunity claimed by every “Mormon” sect accepting the Articles of Faith as part of their beliefs. When others want to attack this right, let’s band together to oppose them. Let everyone be free in their beliefs and worship. It should be no concern to anyone what, how or where I choose to worship. If I am wrong, that is between me and God. I am only sharing what I have learned with those who are interested. You are free to reject my beliefs. If you are right, then you should rejoice in the truth you have found and try to persuade others to see the truth as well (DS Blog, Freedom To Worship).

Making a blanket statement that “Until people reason that out, here we are, and here we will stay” removes the individual responsibility of each of us to rise up and be better and halts that process until the speaker deems otherwise. The biggest question after such a statement is “Who gets to determine when one can arise out of the mud when that should be between me and God?”

This is what I hear from the statement above:

I’m deciding we won’t move forward unless everyone internalizes my view as the right one, and no alternative action (including exiting the process) is acceptable.

This is soft authority disguised as patience. And if you wish to be seen as morally apt, you must be patient in this regard too. Disagreement is allowed in theory, but disagreement against the process halts all progress.

The most important part here is why are people who want to arise out of the mud dependent upon those who are okay being stuck? Is that scripturally accurate?

Continuing from Denver’s blog post:

If we are both deluded then let’s permit each other the joy of our delusions without rancor or contention. You revel in what brings you hope and satisfaction, and allow me to do the same. If we are all wrong, the least we can be is accommodating and happy. Because of our limited time in mortality, we will all know soon enough the answers to all the questions. While we are here, let’s be courteous to one another. When at last we arrive, we can compare notes and see what other insights we can share with one another.

“Until people reason that out” gives veto power to anyone who claims dissatisfaction, grievance, and disagreement, thereby accommodating those with a victim mindset and stagnating those who are problem solvers. This is suicidal empathy that elevates victimhood to being virtuous and demonizes the natural consequences of such behavior.

Progress now becomes contingent on emotional resolution rather than practical agreement – even agreeing to disagree. One person can hold an entire group hostage because they require everyone else to sit in their pain, perceived injustice, and hopelessness with them. Those who wish to move out of the mud are reprimanded and told that they cannot leave others behind. This places responsibility now on the stalled portion of the group who have no urgency to leave the mud and labels the motivated side as devaluing the process.

Ultimately, the unspoken rule in this statement seems to be:

We will not consider the process complete until you achieve what we want, but we will not tell you what that is. If you do not want what we want, the process will never be considered complete.

In an infinite amount of processes, some of Peter and some of Paul, there is only one that will end with living together as one heart and one mind.

The plan of salvation is the plan of education—the plan of knowledge about God and the principles of godliness and the basis upon which all of you can live together and be of one heart and one mind. And it doesn’t matter that some of you have strange political beliefs. And it doesn’t matter that some of you would like to see every gun in the universe recalled and melted down, so we could all, I don’t know, attack one another with the remaining butts of the guns that weren’t melted down, ‘cause they’re wood? I don’t know; I mean… And others of you would like every child issued their own concealed-carry permit and to be armed in kindergarten. None of that stuff separates you from being able to love one another and be one. Because much of what you think matters, doesn’t matter one whit to the Lord. And you know what? When you’re anxiously engaged in the right cause, you’ll be surprised how much of our deepest concerns are merely trivial. The things of the heart are what matters. The things upon which we are capable of becoming one, in love toward one another, are infinitely greater.

The process is the plan of salvation, education, and knowledge about God and the principles of godliness. In that we can find one heart and one mind.

That’s why we really need to keep you distracted in this Telestial kingdom about all the crap that goes on down here. You’re worried about the Kardashians—it doesn’t matter… In any event, you mark that page—484 in your Book of Mormon—and you go back and re-read that, and you ask yourself: “What is God doing, other than merely being?” The only thing He does is “be,” and then you react. Because you are running around hysterically, doing a “pee-pee dance,” because you’re all concerned that your presence is unacceptable; you’re unclean; you’re unworthy—that’s what He came to fix. And when He fixes it, part of the fix consists of telling you: “Set it aside. Set it aside; be my child. Accept love.” And then, in turn, you love. Because what “fixes” is love.

The fruit of the correct process is love – accepting it and giving it. Love is what fixes and what mends. It looks forward and sees the potential in each of us and what can be. That is a driving force towards progress and creation. Where suicidal empathy is based in fear, no fear can be found in love. Instead of fearing each other, we should only fear God enough to learn to love one another. We should become as little children, bringing no threats or condemnation before each other. If there is any other goal among us other than achieving one heart and one mind and to love one another, the process won’t work. I felt incredibly humbled when reading Denver’s words:

As for the residue, where I believe I remain, I hope to work out my own development with fear and trembling before God. One day I hope to be gathered. If that day comes, I hope to present no threat to the community because of ambition or pride. I hope to come already disposed to be of one heart and mind with them, having made enough sacrifices along the way to crawl in upon my knees as one of the least. I hope to have developed the skill to be an adept problem solver and an aid to my fellow saint by practicing the things I learned in Mesa in the ways suggested there (DS Blog, Utopia).

How can I make grandiose plans and compare myself to others when before the Lord, I am less than the dust of the earth?

There are two opposing powers which use two different forces. There is love and fear. Love invites, encourages, waits, supports and rejoices in progress. Love is undeterred by setbacks. Instead, love finds a way to address obstacles and tries again. Love creates. Fear inhibits, controls, discourages and limits progression. Fear offers setbacks and looks for obstacles to end creativity. Fear rejects what love offers. If we were all motivated by love, we would never demand anything of one another. Instead we would request, and then be grateful when we received. Love allows differences in religious views to be shared in a mutual search for harmony. Fear prevents this. Indeed fear causes religious differences to descend into hatred. Religion cannot bring Zion if it uses fear. It must reject it and allow itself no tool other than love to overcome this world. God is love (DS Blog, Two Ways).

The process is the Sermon on the Mount which requires love, charity, intercession, and forgiveness. Sometimes conflict resolution might involve letting another be. While you may or may not be granted the grace to worship God how you believe He wishes – which includes how you approach difficult conversations, conflict, resolution, and gaining skills necessary for Zion – perhaps the greatest advantage there is that now you have an opportunity to extend that grace to those around you. There will be those who stay in the mud for the sake of the process and there will be those who may feel the process has led them now to step out from the mud. I do not know if those two groups can see eye to eye when their end goal is different.

What I do know is that no other person has the power to keep you in the mud. The choice is yours. Resentment or forgiveness? Returning blow for blow, or turning the other cheek? Fear or love?