There was a great research study that came out from Ohio State University in 2021 where they looked at over 430 studies and discovered that very consistently is narcissism associated with aggression. They concluded that individuals high in narcissism have “thin skins.” And while provocation makes a narcissist more aggressive, they found that the association between the two remained significant without it.

Why would a narcissist’s default be to react towards everything with aggression, even when no offense is intended? Narcissists are fighters. And they want the fight because they are always the better fighter. If someone who does not enjoy fighting refuses to engage with a narcissist, they will bait that person by reacting aggressively. Refusing to fight with a narcissist strips them of their identity and their dopamine hit. If dealing with a narcissist is necessary, a good rule of thumb is don’t defend, engage, explain, or personalize. Because as soon as that happens, the narcissist will reframe the conversation to be about the person – the tone of voice, the delivery, how they are making them feel, etc. This is how the real issue at hand is lost. Thus, the narcissist never has to consider the other party and the issue they are presenting. This is why the narcissist believes they’re always right – they always win.

A narcissist will wield what is important to you as leverage. If your religion is important, then they will require forgiveness when you are looking for accountability. If learning to live together in peace is important, they will accuse you of doing the opposite when you set boundaries. They will require of you what they don’t require of themselves. Therefore, they can speak and act without regard but will criticize you for replicating their behavior. Narcissists are the most hypocritical and will never see it within themselves.

Reasoning is impossible with a narcissist because the content becomes lost in the conversation. They will bait you into a debate or conflict that they will preserve at all costs, thus forcing you to either concede (and agree) or be the one to leave in order for it to end.